Do Nice Guys Finish Last?
Some V Day thoughts: love vs. respect, getting 'blackpilled', when to look for 'the one'
Happy V Day All - I hope it finds you well and in love (with something at least, if not someone). Dating and relationships are two areas (two very distinct and separate areas) which I naturally struggle with. I have to put conscious effort into them in order to be ‘successful’.
So here are some thoughts on what I have learned through life in respect to them both so far…
Real love is unconditional: relationships are anything but.
In my experience, as cringey as it is, true love really is unconditional. It does not die upon the end of a relationship with the person you love: you love them for who they are, not what do or who they are in relation to you. True love is being in love with the essence of a person, it is soul deep, and the core does not change. Consequently you have to know someone to their core in order to truly love them. If you have had the privilege of this, you will know there are few things as beautiful. The soul is eternal and thus your love for someone is too.
Relationships are never eternal. There is always a termination, a goodbye: if not before, then by passing on from this life to another. These are always sad times, even if they are not tumultuous. They bring about the most poetic times in life. Many relationships will die socially before literally though, and why? More often, not because two people do not love each other, but rather they are no longer compatible.
Any relationship contains and requires rules, boundaries and conditions. In order for a relationship to be successful both people have to agree and abide by a constitution. We all make mistakes: breaking the constitution does not automatically terminate the relationship. The constitution must be respected though. Once this breaks down, the relationship is done.
Love is about love. Relationships are about respect.
One is unconditional, the other is anything but.
You don’t need an agenda: just talk to her
You do not need to be ‘dating’ or ‘looking for someone’ to approach a girl and have a conversation. Just enjoy meeting people, getting to know them, making people laugh and smile. Just because you go over and flirt with her, it doesn’t mean you have to ask for her number. Just because you get her number, it doesn’t mean you need to ask her out. Just because you take her out, it doesn’t mean you need to sleep with her. And just because you slept with her, it doesn’t mean you need to again.
I’m not telling you to be aloof, adulterous, deceptive or soulless. I’m telling you to take the pressure off and see where things go, rather than looking for where they could go. Don’t force it; it will play out the way it’s meant to.
Do not get ‘blackpilled’; women are great
We can all spot a guy who has had a rough time with women from a mile away, and vice versa. If you open yourself up to be loved, you unfortunately will get burned at least once in your life. The sorrow is yours if you let that scare you away from the fire. Ladies: every guy is not a d*ckhead - there are good, noble, responsible men out there. Fellas: every girl is not a sl*g - there are beautiful, kind, caring women out there.
“You don’t need her king.” Maybe not her, but if you want; a child, someone to bring peace to your life, beauty to your home and colour to your days, you need a woman in your life. Nothing will make you more of a man than a good woman. Do not let the cynicism sink in. Remain receptive, open yourself up, never compromise who you are, and you will find the one for you.
Nice guys do finish last
This cliché is absolutely true. Don’t listen to what they say, look at what they do: women do not want you to be nice. Kind? Yes. Caring? Yes. Respectful? Yes. Loving? Yes. But nice? No. Nice is unassertive. Nice is harmless. Nice is sterile. Nice is you can walk all over me. They may love you (even that is doubtful) but they will not respect you. No respect: no relationship - not a healthy one anyway.
Be responsible
As a man you are by nature more physically powerful than a woman. Abusing that in any way (including the fear and threat of it) is the worst sin a man can commit in relation to another adult human being. Never be that man.
You have time
Take care of yourself; be healthy, build confidence and acquire wisdom. When it comes to dating as a man, it only gets better with age. God has given you way more time than you feel like you have. So take your time. There is no rush to find ‘the one’ and start a family as a man. Channel your inner De Niro: what clock?
Happy V Day: I hope it’s a blessed one.